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Hallmarks of Stupid “Pastors”

Peer-reviewed research has identified a number of Hallmarks of cancer: Selective growth and proliferative advantage, altered stress response favouring overall survival, vascularization, invasion and metastasis, metabolic rewiring, an abetting microenvironment, and immune modulation.  All cancers behave the same: Cancer cells grow and divide without brakes, they are immortal, and they move around to form new metastatic colonies.
Reference: Douglas Hanahan and Robert A. Weinberg. 2011. Hallmarks of Cancer: The Next Generation.

There are a number of Hallmarks by which the perceptive observer can identify under-uneducated pastors and rank imposters (i.e. deceiving, emotionally disturbed bullshitters):

They have a vocabulary of 4 to 8 Hebrew words, 80% of which are woefully mispronounced.

They often hold to insane views about the “original Hebrew Alphabet.”

They believe that Isaiah 14 deals with the fall of “Lucifer” from heaven; they believe and teach their misinformed victims that the satan’s name is “Lucifer”.

They believe that the “Textus Receptus” is the only correct and trustworthy “Greek text of the NT” and that the Critical Texts and Textual Criticism are diabolical endeavours. They teach that new, scientific, literal Bible-Translations are “New Age” translations.

They are in love with the Book of Acts—their “canon of the canon”.

They believe that academic theology is decadent and that academics are the enemies of the faith; in contrast to futile and faithless academic investigation, they believe, their brand of faithful fundamentalism pleases God and makes them the “Bride”.

They believe that “the 66 books of the Holy Bible” is the inerrant word of God and his gift to humanity, but they neither know nor understand the Bible that they rave about. When there is a clear conflict between this part and that part of the Bible, they engage in “forced harmonisation” because they deny the possibility of the existence of any such conflicts. They refuse, for example, to read research that shows that six of Paul’s letters are pseudonymous, i.e. forgeries and that “Acts of the Apostles” is a particularly malignant forgery.

Congregational culture is dominated by a charismatic strongman who lays down exegetical decrees that direct the group’s understanding of the Bible. This shaman-approach stratifies such congregations into many small empires, loosely confederated together. When the leader of the pack lifts up his head to bark his exegetical slogans, the female-dominated congregants squirm and squeek back in a united display of submission. The shaman is the centre-piece of much of the identity, belief, and behaviours of the community. Reading the Bible tends to serve what the shaman has decreed; they do not dare to check out if the shaman speaks any sense at all.  And if you point out that their shaman is a bullshitter, oi ve…

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